Please be mindful of your “hormones”

One day I “normally” finish a sentence and rare are those days honestly unless I’m really inspired or is into something. Contemplating and arguing with myself over some ideas completes me but I’m not one of those narcissist who has a quite disturbing relationship with their selves. On the other hand I am also not one of those boring lecturers who happen to have a deep connection with their mantra because I only know it’s redundancy but I don’t tend to dwell in it so much. Perhaps the perks of establishing a balance relationship between how you seriously embrace your living and indulge in stupid moments in your life lies on how conscious you become of yourself.
There are days I woke up with this sudden gush of ideas I want to write about so either I open one of my gadgets and start tapping on it or simply grab a pen and something to scribble on. However, most ended up unfinished and to a certain degree I don’t make any sense or any point at all like a kid who want’s an ice cream and cannot find what flavor she likes after digging up on almost all of them.
What happen afterwards is something I hate the most. Nothing beats the satisfaction of completing a task simply ’cause having that reward feeling of achievement boosts someones self esteem. Yet besides me embracing my ten minute fact, something I came up to which I consider unique of myself as being someone who can’t keep her focus and attention to something beyond ten minutes but I found the perfect solution of doing something crazy in between to pull back myself. To name a few- bouncing or rolling in my bed, strong sugarless coffee or tea perhaps, watching porn while writing about feminism, fixing my closet at twelve midnight and so on that sometimes I wonder how many more weirdos are there like me.
The bigger challenge comes when after all the motivation, breaks and etc I have accustomed myself to in order just to get something done yet still I feel stuck and I cannot explain myself. I don’t like it when my brain, emotions and feelings are like in a circus with all the jiggling and turmoil that cannot fall into their rightful places. For a woman reading- I think you can relate to this period I’m blabbering about but to clarify- blame the hormones. That’s right, everything seems a complete disaster when you’re ovulating.
I positioned my bed closest to the wall as possible, easier for me to put sticky notes of whatever on that wall which is something I barely read anyway but it’s just a habit for me. Each morning I wake up, I saw the notes and I appreciate them then I fix my bed, grab a coffee and set for work. Those days were my fine days despite all the stress and exhaustion I can have all day, I still manage to be productive in the things I like to do such as writing, reading, etc. It’s not always the case though, there are days when I rattle aimlessly and found myself on a slouchy position ready to throw something on someone who bothers me and those were the times I’m easily stressed or distracted, always hungry, unproductive and to conclude I feel like ‘crap’. Some women when they feel these things, they justify it with “oh, it’s my hormones” even when it’s not but when a person is truly aware of these difference then she would eventually be doing something more helpful for herself. Hormonal changes does not grant an excuse for a person, especially a woman to snuggle in bed all day or defensively rationalize an immature behavior. Perhaps we should try to re-evaluate our personality first before jumping into conclusions (uh ladies?).
If you haven’t grasped this nonsense, try reading again from the first and you’ll find out why. For the past ten days, I have around four topics I want to write on but haven’t finished and this alone took me four hours, two giant cups of black coffee, a midnight shower, laundry?, frequent bladder break while stopping by the mirror to check my eye bags, cleaning my room and yeah a lot of multitasking to fix that ten minute syndrome and stamp a reject on my hormonal imbalance.

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