The unwanted child

childMaybe it’s time also to share a little bit of my past to set an example. I was a mother at young age of fourteen and in my case abortion would’ve been a good idea. First off, I’m still young and I don’t even know how to parent a child that I’m carrying unwantedly but then as humans we are capable of thinking rationally and weighing our decisions based on our morals that is if we had developed it. Since I don’t know what to do and blessed my mother that she decided we have to keep the child and I just went along with it. The shame of being a teenage parent and single at that; the concealment you take in order to protect your identity; having to mature substantially to cope up with parenting; being robbed of your younger years that instead of hanging out with your friends here you are at home babysitting; the wanting something for yourself that you purposely delay for your child; the planning for a your child’s future and not yours; of all you do is towards being a mother. These are just the few things I had experienced and gone through and the most common that put me at the edge sometimes is when they approach me to ask about my child and not how am I doing. People are seemingly interested to talk to me on two things- my past and my child, the I part is always neglected. It has driven me to cower self pity and embody the child as my identity and I hated it. I was revolving in the world of that child but I did not resent her being born and I used her as my shield. My story goes like this; single teenage mother ( survivor of a sexual assault)- finishing a degree-having a job- success- inspiration. I however wanted to reiterate that it was a false inspiration- this kind of story was a lie.
Only two things happen for the unwanted child. One, he is aborted for the mother to save herself from despair and shame and responsibility. The second is when they kept the kid, advertise it as a false sign of bravery and strength with a constant battling of identity between the mother and the child. So it goes like this- you are the mother of this child or you are the child of this mother. That is commonly how people would define you. It is fated that this kind of relationship would evolve on one story unless one of the two would take action to separate herself and be authentic.
Let’s go back to my story, I missed a lot of things that I could’ve done if I did not had that child and there are times that I also consider the what if’s of not being a single parent. I followed the formula of raising a child that goes from attending to basic needs and planning  your actions and decisions based on what would benefit the child best some of which is earning a degree to secure a good job and be monetarily stable then perhaps the you can come next like getting married, having another child and doing what you like so long as it will not compromise the future of that unwanted kid. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this but the BUT  always comes next. But when will I get to decide for myself then? When will your future count as a priority. When will you get noticed as not simply the mother of this kid and as someone that  truly defines’ you. When will you get to just play around, enjoy the things you want to do and not worry of your child’s future? When will you be able to say to your child “when I followed my passion instead of assuring your future, I did not think of you less. I want you to do the same and not to cover yourself with the blanket people has given to us. We differ from each other and so people must see us as two different person.”
There are many like the old me and some are castrated and cannot get out of the circle. The child will always have struggle, no amount of protection can keep him/her away from harm and it is more devastating to emerge yourself in a situation where one must always remain behind the other. As much as my kid told me that it’s ok every time I failed to give her something, I want the others also to know that it really is ok to just walk beside your child. They are no accidents to be aborted nor precious gifts to be always nurtured and protected. They are born to live their dreams as you are to yours.  It is important for the mother to stand by herself as the child would for his or hers. Making two separate circles would often offer more than expanding a single one.
We all have specific destinations and some might not end up in the nicest place but we must not force them to be when all they actually need is a little comfort or simply an ear to listen. As I have also learned that not all beggars beg for money or for food, sometimes they held out their hands not to ask for something rather to offer a handshake for someone who needs one.

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