Being A Christian

Fincher_Christian ValuesMy mother was a devoted Christian who spends most of her time serving the church. As kids , she used to tag us along every Sundays to attend masses and join groups or activities of the church. We enjoyed it actually and learning the teachings of God and bible stories was as exciting  just like the of Cinderella and Snow White’s. However, fast tracked and as I grew older I became less active until I ended up attending masses once a month or just a few times in a year. I even came to a certain point that I felt awkward entering a church. After I entered one, I felt heavier at heart, burdened and sometimes I questioned myself what’s wrong. My mother became worried and insisted that we must get back on what we used to do before to establish a closer relationship with God through participating actively in the church.
I remember how commonly mentioned that God made the world in six days and he rested on His seventh day that on that day we must also rest but it includes a weekly service for Him in acknowledging the gift of life He has given to everything that lives in this world. Then I realized that I actually need to rest on one specific day whatever day that is every week by which it excludes the traditional mass things or weekly church services. In fact, I rarely practice reading the Bible or knowing more about Him and His works. Many people perceive someone like me as lost, having uncertain guidance in their life, an atheist, vulnerable and etc of which all are directed to a negative way. I said to myself, maybe they were right at some point but I had my own principles and beliefs that I think is actually a more positive way of strengthening my faith. When I said I took a day off and it includes a break from God also, I meant when you considered that on those six days you spend them working to serve God then perhaps you’re actually doing more than what you do on your day off which is Sunday. The Bible was actually full of words, knowledge, stories, insights which are simply like any other books. The only difference is, they came from someone divine which is why we put a value to it more than the rest. Perhaps, if we see it as a math or a science or a literature book then maybe we can really understand it’s concept and make it easy to apply it in our daily lives. The basic reason why we read and listen is to learn and why we learn is because it is necessary for our physical, emotional and spiritual growth. I finished the Bible course by that I meant I read it cover to cover. Did I memorize it? No. Did i learn from it? Yes, a little bit. What did I learn then? It was actually like my favorite book of collected fairy tales and short stories and wasn’t really that especial. But when I narrowed the whole book into five words that I must incorporate in my life, I ended up with humility, generosity, forgiveness, love  and compassion. When I learned this values, I think I had the security I need that I don’t feel threatened when I don’t pray that much or when I skipped a lot of church activities, when I forgot how to recite the ave maria, and when I don’t abide the protocol of the church.
I was once with a couple of friends and I was designated to lead the prayer that time which I never knew had a supposed pattern. It is the giving thanks, saying sorry and asking for anything you want afterwards. I completely did it wrong because I just went directly into asking Him to guide us in whatever we will do that day or the successive days. I was teased eventually and kinda felt embarrassed but it hadn’t changed the way I practiced my faith. It made me questioned  why they laughed and corrected me when I simply put into words what I truly felt. Soon, I found out that the power of prayer doesn’t rely on it’s frequency, longevity, pattern or to whatever kind of person who asked for it ’cause the most answered prayers are those delivered genuinely.  If you asked me how many times I had prayed for the last five years then I say probably four or five times. When I feared wasting the efforts of my parents and relatives on sending me to a good school to finish a degree, I prayed to pass every year and graduate. Then came the board exam and I had the same fear of failing that I prayed to pass which I did  eventually. Then I spent a year and a half working as a volunteer nurse and I’m getting desperate to earn that I said Lord please let me get a job before I turn twenty three which happened after applying only to one agent and I just took the chances of might getting the job. Before setting out to another country ( of which I’m currently in) I asked Him another request and that is to find my happiness. It wasn’t easy this time. I lost count of those lonely nights I cried under my sheets, the weight I lost on too much stress and struggles I had with body image, the identity crisis I had to deal with and a lot more. Everyday as I sat on the tub that I imagine sitting with Him by a well and I would repeatedly ask ” where is it?, where is it?” and when I looked at HIm He would just smile and wont say a word. Until that instance I decided to look down on the water and found it there. I cried when I reflected on all the years and energy I lost finding it on different places when it had been inside me all this time.  Henceforth, all our prayers are actually answered if we trust and sincerely ask for it no matter how long we wait or the consequences we have to face, in the end we still have the answer we’re looking for.
Moreover, when  I mentioned that I took those five main teachings I learned from the Bible into my daily life. Turns out, I did not became a saint or a martyr and nothing really changed in me. I’m still a regular person making sins, ignoring people, being a snob sometimes but it’s what makes us humans. Being a good person means ignoring the people who are just trying to pull you back, hating what they do not them as another human being, gossiping someone else’s life to make an example. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we need to abide by the nature of those five principles in order to live as a true believer and a children of God.  When we practice  humility to it’s roots then we might end up loosing our self confidence and unconsciously allowing another person to have power over us in  an extent that they can abuse us. Humility is not always directed to goodness, at worst it can be the source of submission, loosing your self worth over the others, procrastinating at most times and clinging on too much hope. These goes for the rest as well. Henceforth, balance is the key to exhibit these teachings of God without any compromise and are beneficial both to yourself and as well as the rest of those who are living.
Thus, I don’t pray that much. I don’t follow the protocols set by the church to it’s followers. I don’t even really read the Bible or had time to knowing all the significant people there and their character. I rarely attend masses or recite those verses. What I only knew is that there is a divine called God and he said be humble, generous, compassionate and learn to forgive as well as to love. Everytime I tried doing them , I don’t feel like an outcast of the Christian community. I don’t feel less being one of His creations. I don’t feel that my faith is being questioned or fragile, in fact I feel worthy in doing this things to show my dedication as a Christian. The main point is never forget that there is a God and achieve the sole purpose of your existence- to live.  As Oliver Wilde once said, ” to live is the rarest thing in the world, most people exist, that’s all”. If we understood his concept then we will also understand how you, your faith and the Bible works.

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4 thoughts on “Being A Christian

  1. Every time people ask me what religious affiliation I follow or if I am a Christian, I always stumble in search for the most “hallowed” answer. But then, I always end up saying, “I was baptized in a protestant church”. Then that would pose more questions like, “so, what teachings do you follow?”. And I stood there trying to search for the most biblical-sounding response of which I have nothing much to give nor quote. Superficial christianity that is more like a trend, that I have thought of. I, myself, do not understand how a relationship is built between me and God, but I guess, that is how it works- incomprehensible.
    Nice blog, ading. God bless your journey.

    Like

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